POLL: An Affair to Forget

This is a classic case of trying to "have your cake and eat it, too".

I'm not saying it's wrong to find somebody else attractive, but perhaps you should just learn to leave it as a fantasy. I've seen women I know go down the road you're on. It's all too common, and rarely ends with an intact marriage. If you can knock off the shenanigans before your husband findings out, then at least you can spare him some pain. But, if you can't, it may be just a matter of time before you crap all over 4 lives.

You may need to answer some of these questions before you continue. And, be honest with yourself.

Are you and your husband polygamists? Does he know about your affair?

Do you think an extra-marital affair is wrong? Or do you just think lying is okay if you don't get caught?

You might just be looking to satisfy a need for a thrill, as opposed to an affection for another man. Or, maybe your husband isn't showing you the attention he used to. Write back to us if you can clarify any of this for us.

Of course you can't get him out of your mind - you still see him regularly at work. Can you feasibly get transferred to another department or try to find a new job? If so, I think that's the way to go. If not, remind yourself, whenever you feel your eye wander, of the reasons the affair ended and the things that bothered you about your man on the side - at the very least, he lied when he said he was single. This advice is of course assuming you're being honest with yourself about not wanting to destroy your marriage.

-" at the very least, he lied when he said he was single."-

Actually, she never told us why the affair ended, or when she found out he had a girlfriend.

It's possible that he ended the affair because he started seeing someone else. Possibly even making him more of a prize to the poster.

Grow up.

Seriously grow up. You are not a selfish teenage girl. You are a grown woman with two children.

Try making an adult decision. Either get divorced and deal with those consequences or don't get divorced and deal with those consequences.

Recently, I admired someone from work and we had a short affair.

That's some effin' case of admiration you got goin' there.

I don't know why, but I just can't get him out of my mind.

Looks to me like you put the moves on him, and now you can't deal with the fact that, when push came to shove, he rejected you for someone else.

I don't want to destroy my marriage, but I can't help it. What should I do?

You say you don't want to destroy your marriage, but you sure didn't give a crap about it when you started the affair, did you?

Face it -- as long as you keep thinking about this guy in terms of restarting the affair, your marriage is already destroyed.

I have no sympathy for you, sweetie, but I do wonder how badly you're going to mess up the lives of your husband and your children. Congratulations.